


What You Always Do

by 2queer4here



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Body Worship, Bottom Bruce Wayne, Foot Fetish, Gardens & Gardening, Grinding, Loneliness, Non-Penetrative Sex, Nonbinary Character, Other, Out of Character, Outdoor Sex, POV Bruce Wayne, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pregnancy Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-07 20:36:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17967623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2queer4here/pseuds/2queer4here
Summary: "Why did you do that?” Bruce asks quietly.“Because you're beautiful.” Joker answers just as serious. Then with a loud chuckle that breaks the moment he says: “And because I can Brucie.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Headcanoning everyone as non binary?? Maybe so.
> 
> Also ew Joker has like 3 paragraphs worth of a foot fetish because he's a nasty boy.

Bruce knows that the Joker knows that Bruce knows. He never outright says 'I know you're Batman’ because it'd be too anticlimactic and maybe Joker wants to keep his relationship with Bruce separate from his relationship with the Bat. Or maybe he still sees Bruce and Batman as one inseparable being. Maybe he just wants to know both sides of the coin as well as he can. Still, Bruce knows he must be careful around something as wild and untamable as Gotham's own clown prince of crime. There are certain things he can get away with as Batman that he cannot as Bruce. 

xx

 

The distinction had been clear as they started dating. Or as the Joker would call it, “courting”.

 

He was surprisingly old fashioned and gentlemanly in his ideas of how a man should make his interest known.

 

With Bruce he was anyways. With Batman he was strictly focused on playing their game.

 

How surprised the public had been. Though most people, they found, were suckers for thinking Bruce was the one, able to fix the Joker's unsavory nature. If the people of Gotham had been shocked to find Bruce Wayne going steady with the Joker, Bruce was flabbergasted. But with his baby birds all flown the nest and Alfred getting on in age…

 

Well, Joker is the only other constant in his life. It makes sense to hold onto him when everyone else was going away. Maybe later down the road Bruce will convince Joker to have a baby with him. A mix of righteous justice and evil instability. He certainly seems to like the process of making babies with Bruce, even if his seed never takes. 

xx

 

The Joker squats down beside Bruce where the younger man is kneeling at the edge of his vegetables. Carrots, onions, potatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, and kale seeds are lined in neat rows with hand drawn signs showing where each veggie is plotted. Joker watches him silently. A silent Joker is usually not a good one, but this silence doesn't feel heavy to Bruce, don't feel like an oppressive weight threatening to choke all the light out of Gotham. Instead the silence feels devoid of malicious intent or any intent really. It feels like the Joker is watching him without really seeing him. It serves as a reminder to Bruce that even on the best of days his lover is not all there.

 

Bruce focuses his attention back to his garden.

 

He's shoveling soil back over the seeds and using the back of his shovel to pat it down gently when he feels something touch his foot.

 

From his mother Bruce believes that dirt and nature are good for the soul, so when he's out in the garden he tries to wear as little as possible while still being dressed as to not scar Alfred.

 

Today that means no shoes, black shorts that are fraying at their edges, and a band shirt from his middle school days when he still cared about being cool.

 

He assumes what he feels against his bare foot is a worm escaped from the bucket he'd thrown a captured few into earlier with plans to release them into his vegetable bed once everything was set and watered. Whatever it is, it is small and smooth, draws little circles and swirls in the arch of his foot and dips down to run over his toes. The pressure is light enough not to tickle but firm enough to be felt. It's soothing and not too distracting so Bruce pays it no mind as he covers more seeds. The sun is high in the sky just able to warm away any chill that may have come from wearing shorts and no shoes while being outside and the smell of the Earth around them smells wonderful.

 

Smells beautifully alive.

 

The swirls become firmer in pressure. Bruce's breath hitches as he staves off a laugh. He pulls his leg forward more so that his foot is covered by his bum and turns slightly to look behind him where Joker is sat cross legged in the grass.

 

The crazed man meets his own sweet smile with a grin that splits his face. The joker reaches out to pat his bum before trailing his fingers down Bruce's bum and wedging underneath him to pull.

 

Bruce's foot comes free.

 

Joker runs his fingers over his ankles, circles the pads of his toes, and rubs over his heel without rush. Bruce tries to pull away again, but Joker is having none of it. The man holds tight to his foot while his other hand strikes lightning fast to push Bruce's upper body over into his vegetables. Bruce gasps, both at being pushed and at the feeling of kisses being pressed to his arch. Normally he didn't like when people tried to play with his feet though as usual with the Joker it was different. The man behind him continues kissing over his foot. Twice on his ankle, once on his heel, five times on his arch again, once more on his ankle, thrice on the side of his foot, and ending with a lick to Bruce's pinky toe. Joker sucks the small toe into his hot mouth suckling hard and occasionally scraping his teeth over its rounded bottom. He releases the toe with a pop and Bruce picks himself back up. Bruce turns around so that they are facing each other.

 

“Why did you do that?” Bruce asks quietly.

 

“Because you're beautiful.” Joker answers just as serious. Then with a loud chuckle that breaks the moment he says: “And because I can Brucie.”

 

xx 

 

Bruce is keenly aware that he has become prey.

 

Of what nature he is pretty sure.

 

The green haired man prowls forward to be closer to Bruce. Not minding the grassy patches being smeared into his signature purple suit, Joker again rearranges Bruce to his liking which ends up being spread out languidly over his freshly planted seeds with Joker between his legs. He has that single minded focused look on his face that he gets when he's about to take something apart. Hands rub circles up Bruce's leg and Joker's mouth soon follows.

 

Nips are bestowed to the back of Bruce's kneecaps, quick wet kisses are scattered upon his calves, nails drag sweetly down from his hips to his knees leaving behind pink trails. Part of Bruce wants to throw his head back and enjoy the intimacy without thinking. Another part keeps him resting up on his elbows unable to tear his eyes away from the sight of his man worshiping him so playfully.

 

A strange shape is traced on his left knee with Joker's silky tongue, strange and long with sudden yet consistent dips ending in points, and if Bruce didn't know any better he'd say it was the Bat signal. He wasn't allowed to dwell on it long before Joker starts sucking a love bruise into the creamy skin above his knee. He pulls off the black shorts obstructing his path and his hands travel higher gripping Bruce's hips tight. Bruce imagines the bruises they will leave behind later and lets out a pleasured breath. Joker's face is very close to the part Bruce wants his mouth most, but the clown ignores it- only for now Bruce hopes, and bites into the meat of his thigh. More bites and sloppy kisses paint the inside of his thighs the Joker leaving him little love notes to remember him by in only places they can read. It's romantic and sexy, and when Joker spells out his name across Bruce's thighs Bruce can't stop himself from grabbing fistfuls of green hair.

 

He doesn't tug though he could probably speed things along by doing so. For now Bruce just holds the hair in his hands and enjoys the ride. When he looks down at his own skin he isn't surprised to see the way Joker's hickies have formed spell out ‘j and b forever’, ‘there is no me without you, no you without me’, ‘i love you in the sickest way possible, the only way i know how to and if you let me i will consume because i am naught but an indulgent creature’. It's beautiful.

 

xx

 

He pauses for a second to take in the sight of Bruce laid out under him then hooks his fingers under the sides of Gotham's prince's panties and slides them off. He flings them over his shoulder without care and that lovely, lovely mouth finally moves to Bruce's core.

 

The wet center of his desire. A puffy second mouth sporting a chubbed up clit and a pulsating hole inviting the Joker inside to claim Bruce in ways only a lover can, only he can: foraging through the wilds of Bruce's cunt and drilling deep inside to explore and discover the warm cavern where Bruce still with every heartbeat calls for him. Every throb a call full of longing for his man, his mate in the most primal sense. And Joker answers flawlessly. He knows him better than Bruce knows himself. Is always one step ahead on how to best make the body under him sing.

 

It starts with a solidary finger rubbing over his vagina just on the cusp of pushing in and filling him. A tease. Joker's mouth works his clit, alternating between sucking like there is a secret inside he wants to get out and licking his labia. He's good at this. His mouth switches with his finger and Bruce loses it.

 

“Ahhh,” he whines arching his back.

 

“Don't stop baby.” Bruce pleads, his thighs tightening around the Joker's head uncontrollably and still, he keeps fucking his tongue into Bruce without care as to his violent writhing. He can't help squirming in the dirt and canting his hips down when it feels this good, but in true clown fashion Joker ruins the moment with a dull bite to his mons.

 

The replacement of pleasure with pain startles Bruce and causes him to yelp. Yelping is his first reaction and as the Joker continues sucking yet another hickey into his sensitive flesh his second reaction is to strike out. Which he does. With his fist. Into the Joker's eye. The punch catches him well right on the money. Bruce has a fleeting moment of guilt seeing the skin around his pretty eye grow pink and swell slightly. Later in the day it will probably bruise an ugly mix of deep sea blue and dead grass green, mottled with sickening yellow. Joker tilts his head looking into Bruce's own eyes before throwing his head back and cackling loud enough to startle the birds in the trees around them. It's an almost scary sound yet captivating at the same time. A deafening screech filled with mirth.

 

As sudden as it began the laughing fit is over and Joker is back to opening the body under him.

 

xx

 

He leans down to kiss the awful hickey and moves up to kiss the bottom of Bruce's stomach pushing his shirt out of the way as he goes. His fingers card through the happy trail he hasn't had time to shave yet. Bruce leans back all the way content to let the Joker do as he will, which is press darling little kisses over his stomach and dip his tongue into his belly button. Joker runs his hands over Bruce's abs, applying pressure here and there as if they are playing doctor. His nails scratch delicately up his sides trying to see if he can produce a giggle or laugh from Bruce. But Bruce isn't ticklish there and Joker loses interest. 

 

xx

 

He rearranges himself to lay more on his stomach while he buries his painted face between Bruce's breasts. The balled up fabric of his shirt digs into his skin uncomfortably. The Joker growls his displeasure at all the fabric separating him from skin. Bruce smiles and pets at his hair.

 

He's glad he's wearing a strapless bra with a front clip so it's just a matter of a quick snap then wiggle to discard it. Next goes his shirt, which Joker pushes up impatiently until Bruce swats at him and removes it entirely. His man hums and continues nuzzling his chest one hand coming up to play with a nipple. He bites softly at the skin between Bruce's breasts and covers the area in open mouth kisses. The saliva left behind cools Bruce's heated skin. He twists his head and bites harder than before and when Bruce lifts his head lazily to peer down at his work he sees a misshapen hickey in the approximate shape of a heart.

 

His stomach flutters and Bruce lays his head back down.

 

Joker's mouth migrates to his breast where he takes a brown nipple into his mouth to suckle. His hand moves to the other breast to knead and handle his flesh similar to a cat. Bruce pushes his inner muscles gently and feels more of his slick push out of him. It must be coating the Joker's pants because he feels like there is a sea between his legs. The wetness won't stop flowing. Bruce opens his eyes and cranes his neck to see Joker already looking up at him from under thick eyelashes. He watches him suck at his breast and feels a surge of arousal.

 

He thinks there's something very intimate about someone feeding from his chest even if he's not producing, can imagine how much more it would be if he was, if he was heavy with their child and leaking. The thought is both sexy and nauseating and Bruce is grateful when his lover pulls off with a wet sound and dives into his neck.

 

xx

 

Joker attacks his neck with a slew of harsh kisses that leave smears of red lipstick across the column of Bruce's neck. He bites savagely above his adams apple until he tastes blood, switching quickly from the uncharacteristically sweet love making they started to the more familiar roughness Bruce has become accustomed to over their months together.

 

Bruce hums quietly, the hickies hurt more now that Joker had switched over to wanting to mark him more than pleasure him, but Bruce won't push him away. More out of laziness, and him still soaked in the still coursing arousal from minutes earlier than anything else.

 

Bruce explores Joker's back with his hands to take his mind off the dull ache of his neck. Runs his hands up the Joker's back under his button down and suit jacket, going slowly as to feel the scars Bruce knows are there. A few from him, from Batman, but most are a mystery to Bruce. His lean frame belies the strong muscles that make up his form and Bruce enjoys massaging the knots from them before removing his hands from his back to push them into Joker's pants instead. He squeezes two handfuls and is given another harsh love bite. The purple pants are tight so Bruce can only get his hands so far before the fabric threatens to rip. He slides his hands away from Joker's butt and brings them to his face instead, cupping both cheeks and rubbing his thumbs over his facial scars. They have a weird texture and though they are far from new Bruce can't help but to touch them lightly with almost no pressure.

 

A true lovers touch.

 

xx

 

It's not often that Joker will let him touch his scars for so long. Bruce traces over them at first then traces meaningless patterns over them when he is finished with that. He is so entranced by them that he doesn't notice when the Joker lifts his head to stare at him.

 

“Hey.” Bruce tears his eyes away.

 

“Hey.” He answers dragging his hands away, down the Joker's face past his neck down his sides and stopping to curl around his hips.

 

Joker is face to face with him caging his head between in elbows. He leans in and presses a faint kiss to Bruce's lips. His eyes sweep over Bruce's face once more. He rests his head on the soil and turns so he can push his nose into Bruce's hair. He sniffs quietly. Bruce can feel where his bulge pokes into his thigh and seeing as the clown isn't getting on with it he takes things into his own hands. Literally. He unbuttons Joker's pants, reaches into his boxers, pulls out his cock.

 

 

As soon as it touches Bruce's mons and stomach Joker collapses onto him. He rests his full weight against Bruce and grinds his hips down. His balls, heavy, drag against Bruce's clit in a delightful way. It's amazing as sex always has been with the Joker and Bruce's face heats as he realizes he's going to cum embarrassingly soon. Bruce tries to pull back from the boiling point, focuses on the feeling of soil under his back and thinks of how he will have to inspect the bed after to make sure none of the seeds were disrupted. If he were a seed he'd be a sunflower and Joker would be a rain cloud: no matter where Bruce turned his face to try to soak up the sun the Joker would always be there to snuff him out. Yin and yang. Bruce moans holding tighter to the man mounting him. His legs grip painfully around his waist. And with a strangled, half groaned moan Bruce cums.

 

Joker takes a few minutes after him, never as in sync with Bruce as he is with the Bat, but when he cums he splatters Bruce's abs not Batman's.

 

They lay panting in the dirt below the warm sky and their returned hearing and awareness of the world still revolving around them comes back.

 

They hear the birds singing to each other, the squirrels rustling tree branches as they play tag, and the water from Bruce's backyard fountain.

 

Bruce feels cloudy in his head from orgasm and as it clears and his afterglow begins to fade into content spread throughout every part of his body he thinks

 

‘this is perfection’.


	2. Joker is Pussyphobic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to just be a one off thing, but none of you told me I just wrote "(description)" in a place where I meant to go back and describe Joker's dick. So I wrote some nasty headcanons about the Joker and Bruce and sex. 
> 
> Warnings: STDs and the like, violence, etc

The Joker's dick is 7.8 inches and thick. Like, 4 fingers worth of prep but still go slow thick. His balls are a good handful and covered in a dusting of brown hair. If Joker wants inside him Bruce has to be soaking wet and stretched thoroughly, so most nights they have non penetrative sex.

 

There's a prominent vein along the underside of his shaft that when licked drives him crazy- no pun intended. He'll thrust his hips up and his breath hitches. Bruce can recall every time the Joker's been inside him and often uses it as masturbation material.

 

One of the best blowjobs he ever got was when Bruce sucked both of his balls into his mouth and let Joker cream on his hair.

 

xx

 

Rough sex is Joker's default. He likes sex that leaves behind physical reminders such as bruises or scars.

 

xx

 

Major scent kink.

 

He likes being able to smell his partners natural scent since his little accident changed his own smell. No matter what cologne he wears (Tom Ford and always bought with Bruce's credit card) he can still smell his own acidic scent underneath. It drives him mad.

 

Bruce smells like sweat and coconut and the feeling of sweet exhaustion after a difficult workout. 

 

xx

 

Joker is pussyphobic unless for personal gain. He can, and does, eat Bruce and other vagina owners out, he just doesn't enjoy it too much. He'd rather be on the receiving end, though he does enjoy the smell of vagina quite a bit.

The only exception is when someone has their period. Then Joker will happily go to town on them. The smell and taste leaves him feeling high.

 

xx

 

Joker is a thot who regularly pipes down Joker Fan Club members. 

 

It's a club exclusive to Gotham that mostly consists of mentally unstable women who think they can change him with pussy power.

 

They can't. 

 

Joker still fucks them.

 

xx

 

Joker likes seeing non sexual items inside of Bruce, likes to see the stretch of his pink cunt around something completely inappropriate like the television remote, or an apple that one time. Bruce often says no to his eccentric choices (baseball bat, cellphone, bed post) but Joker can usually convince him on the tamer stuff (remotes, doll heads, knife handles).

 

xx

 

Joker watches porn like it's tv. Any place, any time.

 

Right now he's really into Czech Hunters.

 

Last month it was fake tits.

 

The month before that it was horror porn.

 

xx

 

Joker is only open about kinks that are gross and make it hard for Bruce to please him. Gunplay being a prime example. Bruce shuts down and refuses to even be near him the first time and last time he tries to be sexy with a gun. Joker likes the danger of it. Likes thinking about what could happen if he accidentally left the gun loaded and pulled the trigger on a whim. No more Brucie, no more Batman. The emotional pain would be beautiful. 

 

Emetophilia is one he likes having Bruce indulge him in. The sound of Bruce retching up his dinner and gasping for breath excites him. 

 

Joker has no actual opinion or attraction to feet one way or the other. Bruce on the other hand doesn't care all that much for his feet being played with. Joker hasn't figured out why; but upon learning that he claimed he had a foot fetish so Bruce tolerates him tickling and licking his feet.

 

Joker gets hard from Bruce being in pain or upset or uncomfortable. None of the fetishes and kinks do it for him personally, but they do when Bruce is involved and pushing himself for Joker while in pain.

 

Joker wants to try drowning Bruce while they fuck. He fantasizes about the tight spasming of Bruce's cunt around him while he holds Bruce's head steady underwater all the time.

 

Bruce won't go for it.

 

Yet.

 

xx

 

When Bruce goes down on him Joker will randomly thrust into his throat to choke him and laugh when Bruce gags. He thinks it's insanely funny.

 

Bruce doesn't know why.

 

Joker doesn't know why either, but he always laughs.

 

xx

 

Bruce makes him get tested every 3 months like clockwork because Joker has had untreated chlamydia multiple times.

 

Joker hates it because one time when they went to the clinic they saw Penguin and he threatened to shoot a nurse if she didn't tell him what Joker was there for. And now everytime they are around each other, which isn't that often thank Christ, Penguin calls him “the clam clown”.

 

Bruce had kindly pointed out that Penguin was also there to be treated for an STD, which he knew because he bribed one of the nurses while he and Joker were having a screaming match.

 

Joker's is treatable.

 

Penguin's isn't. 

 

xx

 

Joker has absolutely bought them side by side grave plots and tried to fuck Bruce in his side. Bruce thinks it's morbid and it makes his skin crawl and bile rise in his throat. Joker thinks it's romantic like something out of Romeo and Juliet. Or Beetlejuice. Bruce refuses to even look at the graves after that. At least Joker had bought them for Gotham's cemetery so he could always be with the city that needed him. It's still morbid.

 

xx

 

Joker doesn't actually enjoy kissing because he's aromantic and more on the romance repulsed side of things than not.

 

Bruce has a flimsy grasp on what aromanticism is, but supports the minimal kissing. He likes to have his eyes on the Joker as much as possible anyway to avoid getting stabbed spontaneously.

 

xx

 

He prefers to cum on or inside Bruce. He loves rubbing his cum into Bruce's chest and the feeling of raw dogging it so he can cum inside because fyi he totally knows about Bruce's pregnancy kink. He himself doesn't want kids, but likes teasing Bruce with the idea of going through with it. 

 

He's not sure if his sperm is still in functioning order.

 

When he's mad at Bruce or feeling mischievous he cums in weird places and leaves it there to be someone else's problem. Places The Joker Has Cum That He Should Not Have include: under Bruce's desk, the walls of the bat cave, under the front seat of the batmobile, in the utensil drawer of the kitchen, the water tank of the toilet, in Bruce's most expensive shoes, Bruce's coffee, Penguin's hat, Bruce's sunflowers in his garden. He plans on expanding the list.

 

xx 

 

When Joker's having a docile mental health day and/or disassociating hard core he likes slow sex without much talking. Sometimes he feels like his jaw is too heavy to stretch around the words in his head so he goes silent instead. He likes to just do his own thing with Bruce's body, which is mostly just worshiping it and grinding his cock against him lazily.

 

xx 

 

Joker lets Bruce top every 3.5 weeks to boost his ego. After the first time he gets a customized shirt that says “batman is a top”. In glitter. Bruce hates it and goes into a feral rage the first time he sees it so Joker gets matching sweatpants. Joker also likes being eaten out, but won't return the favour because he pretends he doesn't know how to eat ass.

 

He 100% knows how to eat ass, and eat it well, because he used to do it for Harley.

 

Bruce goes into another feral rage because he thinks that means Joker still loves Harley and he has to explain the whole aromantic thing again. Kicker is he only ate her ass because it would make her cum hard enough to immediately take a 6 hour nap after and 6 hours is plenty of time to get up to various shenanigans undisturbed.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk I think that under the right (wrong) circumstances (Alfred being close to dying, Bruce's mental health deteriorating even more, and the bat kids all leaving) Bruce would turn to Joker eventually.


End file.
